It’s enough of complains. I’ll do my best to enjoy the chances life is giving to me rigth now. I’ll find the advantages of to have a stable job and even a stable relationship because is clear this is moment to learn about to follow instructions, to have compromise and to show authority.
Maybe after to be at this side where everything looks so different I’ll have many statements to debate in the future, to be completely sure that this life is what I don’t want to have for the rest of my existence. Good reasons for to affirm that I want is to continue being an independent woman who loves to travel and to know more about the human experience.
I need to feel my truth isn’t the only one, which my eyes see is only a tiny part of the huge Universe. If I have it, I’ll take my pay check and I’ll waste a part of it going to see a lot of movies and eating delicious food in pretty restaurants, and if I be luckier, I’ll be very good companied.
[Wednesday, 7 March 2007]
Today, 14 March 2007 I have to say I proved before I believed office’s life isn’t for me. I’m not made for that. I began to work Monday with a huge punishment feeling. It seems like I made a terrible mistake and now I’m paying for each one of my acts’ consequences.
Yesterday I went to the office to quite because the former day was obvious the amount of work they wanted that I should do was for 3 people at least, I’m not willing to be treated like a slave or something like that. I have the fortune of to have my basic needs covered and because of that the opportunity of to choose the better way for me.
After I experimented Monday I remembered very well why I don’t like the “cubicle nation”, I felt asfixied there and very uncomfortable too, being between a lot of stressed people that maybe never are going to ask to themselves if they’re doing is what they really want to do with their lives. Many of them have many needs and to make questions isn’t an option, less if their time past so fast doing a lot of things that permit works to the company for they work.
I’m not precisely calm down, I’m very scared because all this obstacules seem to show me the way to get my dreams it’s a little bit less than impossible. I need a lot of money or a lot of luck to achieve my goals and with the recents events everything looks darker each time.
Right now I’m feeling a pain in my left arm, typical when I’m stressed. I though to write a while could help me to feel me better but seems isn’t working… I feel like an useful idiot yet.